I am falling into
Patterns inside my own head again.
I tried to scream on the way to the bottom
But I lost the sound
To a mouthful of water.
Turn the tide off,
My legs can’t swim as fast as my thoughts can.
Head spinning, dirty water down the drain,
Wash me away, wash me away,
Memories are cascading into my neck
It’s so hard
My bones might break.
Let it all just slow down,
Let this be a slow drown.
The current hits right in the spine,
The bottom of the sea is a place where I…
When everything gets bad.
This is the best that I can do to keep
The horizon from bleeding into the ocean
I am losing grip on all notions of “alright”
I am whispering lies to my friends again at night
(“I’m fine, I’m fine, don’t worry about me.”)
I’m lying as I’m lying in this bed:
Worry about me.
Sunday night drinking myself almost to death
With cheap whiskey and cheaper beer
In the cheapest attempt to forget that I am here.
In my head I hear someone say
Betting that this time I’ll slow drown.
The bass hits right in the spine,
The last hour of the night is where I…
Find myself sitting in the middle of the street,
The cold wind kissing me like I did you for the last time,
My headphones are pressed against my ears
I want my eardrums to bleed out all my fears;
My wrists itch for the quick flick of metal
So I can settle the score with all these songs
Begging to come out of my blood.
You always visit me
On the off chance that I sleep
And you sing to me in my dreams,
The words I’ve lost eight years in the making.
I am faking my stability
My ability to sit still has been killed by
An illness so deep
Even the Atlantic pouts in jealousy.
Inside my own head again:
I never wanted to visit this space in the first place."
I can’t sleep. (via sickwithsyllables)